Furthermore…

One missionary to other as native people enter under  BRING A COVERED DISH banner:

“I think we’re in trouble -  they’re all bringing empty covered dishes!”

When I was in Army basic training they had a custom of having the men stop on their way into the mess hall and perform a number of chin ups (or pull ups) on a bar.   I don’t remember the rationale for this; maybe it was a case of ‘we’ve always done it that way’.  Probably the Army women don’t do this, as women are not known for having much arm or upper body strength.  Maybe they are required to grimace fiercely a few times.

I mention women because my arm strength was merely womanly, and soft fat me couldn’t do chin ups.  But aha!  There were always a couple of fine lads standing there grasping one’s legs as he struggled to perform the repetitions.  Maybe this was to keep one from swinging back and forth wildly from all the exertion.  They would always perceive that I was not chin up material and would charitably lift from below to help me to draw my face up over the bar, if only to keep the chow line moving.  To me it was Salvation.

One day a keen eyed, driven officer looking about for chinks in the armor somehow saw through this nonsense and had me drop down to do pushups, something else that was not in my repertoire.   He alternatively employed insult, threat and contempt  but soon recognized I was little more than a quivering, unmuscled blob.

A second Salvation appeared in the form of the genteel Executive Officer, who came to my defense pointing out that I was a college graduate with  desirable traits distinct from  physical powesss, and put an end to the ‘chewing out’.

Assistant to pastor:

“I think we need to take that statue out of the vestuble — people keep asking it questions thinking it’s an usher!”

Back when I was in high school in the 50’s a kind of ordinary incident happened to me to which I didn’t attach a whole lot of significance at the time but which I now see in retrospect as one of the times when God helped me without being asked.  It’s not too important to me to maintain that it was really god.  It was manifested through my friends, and I’m quite content to see it as merely human help that came my way. I say this because at this older stage in my life I am convinced that God is behind and within everything, so if I can’t adduce His fingerprints on this little matter, all the same, it was God, see!

Our high school at that time was deep into football and our team was playing teams from all over the country instead of the usual bunch of other local high schools that might be expected.  Teams and supporters were brought in from hither and yon each week.  We even had our own football stadium or a sort that might belong to a college, not a high school.

I don’t remember what team  it was that was bussed in to play us that day; actually I only remember the names of a very few of the teams we played way back then.  On that particular day, for some reason I was carrying along, before the game started, some kind of placard sign on a stick, maybe supporting our team, maybe proclaiming some other message.  As I walked along in front of the stands I encountered a bunch of kids from the other school coming the other way.  High spirited and, I guess, full of fun, they (I think somewhat playfully) grabbed and forced down my placard on a stick  and  put me out of business as a sidewalk advertiser.

Out of nowhere some of my friends came charging out of the stands coming to my defense, setting the visitors back on their heels and turning the tide in favor of our side.  That’s all — no big deal.  It was over, no punches thrown, no blood spilt.  Just an unexpected demonstraton of loyalty and friendship coming to me in a moment of seeming peril.  It warmed my heart, in the cool, unobservable way of teenage boys.

“History” teacher to class”

“The Catholic Church didn’t want people to read the Bible, so they translated it into a foreign language – Latin!”

Last year I attended a men’s retreat presented by laymen, and this year I am part of the planning committee for a repeat.  The retreat has an established format, and there are a number of themes on which each year basically similar talks are given, drawing largely on the life experiences and struggles of the staff members.  The themes center on Loving God through Knowing Oneself, through Trust, through Faith in the Word, through the Sacraments, Prayer, Healing of Memories, Trust, and Family and Friends.  I too was appointed to give a short talk.

It wasn’t at first clear to me what kind of talk was expected of me.  Speaking to one of the leaders, I found that it was not necessarily to be on one of the established themes, but rather to just be something drawn from my own life that might touch or be of some import to the attendees.  I thought of relating a couple of Army experiences, one of humiliation and the other, related, of getting some well-appreciated support.  I thought of recounting a few of my failures with women, making a play for pity as one of life’s  losers from all the married  ’salt of the earth’ types I’d be addressing.  Or I could go about how I’m not primarily concerned with the Top Ten for Men of sports,work, wife, kids, dog, house, car, lawn, TV,  and sports [sic].

A few more subjects occurred to me, but I finally decided to talk about three times in my life when other people unexpectedly came to my assistance, times which I might subtly suggest were the work of the Lord.

One seminary official to another:

“The three most important solutions to the priest shortage are Vocations, Vocations, Vocations!”

I watch Catholic television a lot.  I keep seeing an ad or promotion for a book containing some of a beloved and famous person’s teachings about the Bible.  At one point, that person is shown holding the Bible and saying something along the line of  ‘read this book if you want to know what God thinks.’  The book she is referring to is the Bible, it would seem, but since it is an ad or promotion for a particular book that is for sale, viewers might easily conclude that it is the book for sale which is being referenced.  Next, a screen shows how to buy ‘this book.’  Pretty slick!  Or is it merely an unintentional slip?

Mom to Dad about kid standing by expectantly:

“He wants to get home schooled  — with the nudist kids down the street!”

Or do you say “progressive”?  Anyway, I keep wishing I could tease apart the thought processes which occur in the heads of the ‘practicing Catholics’ who don’t seem to line up with what the Churches.  I was pleased to hear Hunter College Professor Alice von Hildebrand on EWTN a few night ago offer that to her mind much faulty thinking is not thinking at all, but rather the superficial parading of slogans.  I’ve observed some of that.

In addition to slogans, I see a proliferation of predudices.  Not the kind of predudices which easily come to mind, such as those against skin color, ethnic background or corporal attractiveness for instance, but rather stealth pre-judgements against gun owners, big families, the working class, or Christians who take their religion seriously, who are assumed to be asses.

I haven’t heard the term ‘kneejerk reaction’ much lately, but it seems an apt description of how those too lazy to think reach their conclusions.  When cops do it, it is called profiling. When commentators do it,  it is called circular filing, summarily consigning certain points of view to the intellectual waste basket. Like, those who pray the Rosary are denizens of a lower, unenlightened spiritual domain compared to, say, those who spend their time reading reviews of the latest books on trendy theologies.

Besides sloganeering, stealth preducies and circular filing, there is horizon shrinking.  This is a kind of Know-nothingism which excludes from discourse all options except those preferred, because that is what they say, such as that the only way to control AIDS is to use condoms, lots and lots of condoms, or the only way to deal with the regulations of the Church is to blow off the rules, lots and lots of the rules.